Do it for us

Have been going through some old stuff today. Letters, cards, sticky notes......and especially birthday cards. Am just a few weeks from my birthday, and for the last 3 years, I have stopped expecting so much from anyone. I dont expect suprises that much. I mean his birthday always came first in August, then mine, wracking my brains to try and outdo him was always in vain. Then after he has been gone, birthdays are just that, my family is the best in this, they always have something up their sleeves, which is nice and lovely, but when I get to sleep, the loneliness caves in. I want to do it all over again with someone. I long for a friend, a companion, someone to be with when my family had already done their part. I appreciate what they always do, but am not 19 neither am 21 nor 24, and there are times I crave for someone to share this moments with again. When I was 19 I met him loved him when I was 20, at 21 became friends with him, at 22 he was my best friend, at 23 we want more than just what we had at 24 he proposed and 24 and a quater he was called home, and left me with all this memories that would last me a lifetime
I have so much to be grateful for, my health, my family, my friends, yet there is this part of me that is empty and lost. Like some hole that cant be filled up, and there are times when the sadness engulf me, and cloud my will for taking one step towards living for my today. Times when I need somebody to get down on their knees and bring me closer to God. Times when my own strength leaves me, and tears well up, and when I try to speak a word of encouragement, my knees feel weak and I give in to my sobbing. Times when am just me missing someone I used to know, and hoping that nobody gets into the room before am done crying. Times when am lost, and i need so badly to be found.
Times when I hope that if you ever get down on your knees, in your prayers you forward cases like mine to our Heavenly Father, ask Him to give somebody who is hurting tonight the comfort, the consolation, the hope and the promise of a better tomorrow.
The christian in me says you have to look forward to the promises that God has kept for you, but the human in me is giving in to the weakness of the heart. Feeling the pain, holding my breath trying to prevent the tears from flowing, telling my self that am on the road..... for a better tomorrow , telling my heart to hang in their for me and my heart....
In memory of the loved ones we have lost...........if you are stronger, if you can do it, let your shoulders be the place we can rest our heads