Sometimes when I get a little bit unwell like now, I long for your presence here. Is it the idea that someone you love has the money to help you access the best medical attention or is it the moral and undying support and the helping hand that someone who loves you gives. I never realized just how those little moments meant until now, sometime when I go to see the doctor I can still see you, occasional on the pharmacy qeue, waiting to pick up my medicine, or the moments when you would just sit on the couch, saying I would be fine. I have been asking myself one question. Where are those kind of men now? Everybody seems to be absorbed with their own lives, economic issues have taken the precedence, didn’t we have those worries then, or have I changed the class of people am around. Having a good time seems like something you have to plan for in advance, create time for, even a good laugh. On Sunday I did something that reminded me of us, I paid a visit to some friends of mine, and we played a game of cards for the better part of the afternoon. I believe we would all agree when the weekend comes again, that we had some good laugh, and a memorable moment. To be honest I was so glad I didn’t make it to the office after the Church service. Loneliness can get to anyone, it gets to me occasionally, and I am like I need to move on, but as I have found out, its better said than done. I don’t fight too hard even when I know there is a good heaven chance to get what I want. I don’t try too hard either. I am just in a shell, sometimes empty, sometimes full.
I believe I can find love again, am young, am not some old woman who has been married for 40 something years, who just cant bear to move on, but resolves to age lonesome in honour of her late husband.
I am a young, beautiful woman who fell in love with you, had the best years of my late teens with you, and lost you when we were almost there, and now am having problem trying to get over you, death has no mercy. What is it that is so wrong since then , that I cant seem to be dealing with the fact that you are not here anymore, they buried you before I came home…could that be the reason, that even from your grave, I cant move on. Were you mad at me, when the accident happened, that you can’t let me let you go?
Somebody has to help me out of this…….because, am not fine. I can handle the bodily illness, what I cant handle is my sick heart, because it not getting well…..even when my mind has told it over and over, that you ain’t coming home, no more
I believe I can find love again, am young, am not some old woman who has been married for 40 something years, who just cant bear to move on, but resolves to age lonesome in honour of her late husband.
I am a young, beautiful woman who fell in love with you, had the best years of my late teens with you, and lost you when we were almost there, and now am having problem trying to get over you, death has no mercy. What is it that is so wrong since then , that I cant seem to be dealing with the fact that you are not here anymore, they buried you before I came home…could that be the reason, that even from your grave, I cant move on. Were you mad at me, when the accident happened, that you can’t let me let you go?
Somebody has to help me out of this…….because, am not fine. I can handle the bodily illness, what I cant handle is my sick heart, because it not getting well…..even when my mind has told it over and over, that you ain’t coming home, no more
1 comment:
It's so often that "what I feel" and "what I know to be true" don't agree. Sometimes, when what we know to be the truth is too hard for the heart to accept all at once the heart will begin to accept but one piece at a time and sometimes there are millions of tiny pieces. Hold on to what was, to what is and to what is to be. You are not alone.
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