My loss

Loosing anyone through death, at the edge of the year is so hard to accept, even harder when we all know that christmas is just around the corner, and the year is almost ending and we

are just a few feet away from toasting to the coming year almost makes me scared of taking trips. But that is been paranoid, I want to go slow on my office work , get some time off to loosen up, and my phone has been ringing with invitations for going over coming quite early that gives me an opportunity to plan well , well enough maybe not to have to turn down the people in my life who have thought that this year I should be a blessing on the guest list. It means alot to me, its amazing when you lock yourself in the office for most of the days friends seem to move on with their lives, been courtesious enough to give you the occassional hallo when it becomes necessary, and I have been so unavailable, and sometimes on Saturday night I would think how lonely I must really be to be working late when the phone is not ringing at all. I have tried to make it all up when I decide to set apart a day just for that, I have attended weddings that if I hadnt, I know my head would be cut off by now, I have let those who have lost their loved ones lean on my shoulder, and during those times I have thrown away my to do list, and focused on moments. And even when my workholic system thinks maybe I should put down some work over christmas, I think I will relax, and let nature takes its course, because I know every invitation I get this year, is a statement that says, " your are on my thoughts"